I am a mother of a son who is going to get married soon. Multiple emotions are flowing through my mind. Though I am left with a few hours to relax and ponder amid the tasks that need to be fulfilled by any Indian mother who is overseeing her child’s marriage, this is the time I should share tips with my son which I hope will be useful for him to Build a strong, healthy and happy relationship with your wife.
We have accomplished 30 years of our marriage. Ups and downs are a part of every married couple’s life. You too will have your own bittersweet experiences.
As a mother, I want to share with you a few things which I have learned out of my experiences gathered from an exciting journey called marriage. You can take these as some pieces of advice from your mother who wants you and your bride to be the happiest couple in the world.
Bless you my son.
There is no one-size-fits-all secret for a successful marriage. The spouses work together to make them successful.
- You must be a bit concerned about making adjustments, sharing responsibilities and discharging duties of a married man but, it is nothing in comparison to what your bride will be doing. Don’t ever take it for granted. She is leaving the known environment where she grew up and is coming to live with us. We would be having a daughter of our own, henceforth we would treat you both equally and support you both impartially.
- “If you’ll be patient with Ramesh, a few years down the line, he’ll be a great husband.” At that time I was not sure about what your grandma meant to say about your father. I was a month old bride, a shy and a bit nervous girl of 22. Over time, I understood the value of the advice that your grandma passed on to me. Marriage is about patience. Both of you must give each other time and space to grow and become better human beings. To lose patience is to lose a thread of trust in each other. And yes, your grandmother was absolutely correct in her predictions.
- The worst thing is to compete with your wife except in one thing and that is to out-love each other. Love can overcome all shortcomings, overlook little irritants and mix all differences. Soon you will understand that there are no “right” or “wrong” ways of doing tasks but there are only different ways of doing them.
- As I have always taught you my son, use your words with kindness in your heart and intelligence in your mind. Even today, I regret some words I said to your father. I wish I could pause for a bit before uttering them Anger provokes us to say harsh words in a hurry, which we regret later, when we regain our self-control. We can forgive the speaker but can never forget the words.
- As a mother, I am proud to see that you respect people regardless of their age, status, profession, and beliefs. I expect you will also treat your wife and her family members with utmost respect. In the three decades of our married life, both I and your father have realized that, if you respect each other, you can also transform arguments into fruitful discussions. Son, respect the beliefs, opinions, and values of your wife. With respect, its easier for us to accept people as they are.
- Perhaps the biggest challenge married couples of your generation go through is making time for each other from their busy professional lives. As we have given you every opportunity to build your career, your in-laws have done the same for their daughter. Therefore, don’t expect her to compromise her career to give time to you and her in-laws. You are equally responsible to make time for each other, for your parents and for your in-laws.