The following are some interesting facts that one should consider if they are considering a second marriage.
- Be selective in choosing a partner – Avoid a partner who is fighting an active addiction. Look for a partner who can on your behalf express love through acts of service, shared time, or physical affection.
- Clear your space – Make your physical space a shared space, not one that carries strong emotional resonances. Items that hold strong emotional charges from previous lives can be psychically intrusive and draining as the relationship will suffer if one of you feels like a visitor.
- Togetherness is key – Effective sports teams are formed when everyone works together for the common good. Just as successful marriages are formed when the partners don’t view things through a win-lose balance sheet. Creating a shared vision for your marriage and striving to make it happen is key. Make sure that each other comes first, before children, parents, friends, and jobs, as a spouse who feels left out will grow resentful. In turn, that resentment erodes the relationship.
- Embrace tolerance, appreciation, and respect – Whenever possible, express what you appreciate about your partner by catching things they are doing well and expressing gratitude.
- Ensure effective communication – If there are any questions or concerns, be sure to hear what your partner has to say and ask for clarification.
- Let forgiveness be your practice -The act of forgiveness should not be viewed as condoning the harm done to you, but as allowing you to move on and remember you are all on the same team as someone else.
- Put your vulnerability into practice in small steps – Having an open relationship is a good place to start before tackling bigger matters like disciplining kids or managing finances. Discuss a few minor issues like schedule and meals first.
- Ensure that expectations are discussed in advance to prevent misunderstandings – Instead of stonewalling and shutting down, take a risk and deal with your hurt feelings. When there is a good fight, things can be handled better, so let go of your expectations and focus on the positive.
- Take a proactive role as a stepparent – Stepparents play the role of peers, mentors, and supporters in place of disciplinarians. The stress for a step family will be compounded when stepparents feel disrespected or unappreciated by their stepchildren. Thus, learning new strategies and sharing your ideas with your partner will help you grow and embrace this role.