There are few important pillars that hold a relationship and one of them is commitment . It is a belief in a relationship. It can be expressed through dialogue, through sharing thoughts and experiences. It is important to understand and realize that relationships change with the time and situations. When you begin a new relationship with someone, you obviously want it to last as long as possible. Commitment in a relationship is related to quality of the relationship.
Love grows by giving it, without limit, without restrictions. If you and your partner are in serious relationship and share true love then you will not be afraid to love with trust, honesty, fairness and commitment. Commitment includes the willingness to strengthen the relationship with positive efforts. This is a stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.
Commitment is not a switch that goes from “off” to “on.” When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases. Commitment in relationship is not only a responsibility of one side. It is not a journey of one way. It is a two way traffic i.e. give and take. What you give your partner is what you might get.
A promise is a small commitment. If your potential partner doesn’t keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related. If a couple understands the required needs of a relationship then their love and commitment will grow gradually. In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do.
Relationship is not based on a written contract, but has to be understood that a commitment does involve an unwritten contract and is totally based on understanding and trust.
I hope after reading this article, some common questions about commitment that arise in your mind gets solved.
Cougar relationships, with men entering relationships with women generally 10 years older to them or vice-versa was considered a taboo, but has more common with the younger generation wanting novel experiences. Indian celebrity couples like Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan, Shilpa Shetty and Raj Kundra, and the old time Indian cine couple Nargis and Sunil Dutt, are cougar relationships.
Cougar relationship was considered abnormal especially in the Indian scenario of patriarchal families believing that older men in relationships could make it easier for the women to respect them. However the interesting aspect of this type of relationship dawned on me when Girija, my friend told me about “Wake Up Sid”, a movie where Sid a procrastinator learns the important aspects of life when he romances an older woman.
The recent trend made me to investigate how Ramya, my cousin got along with Suresh who was 7 years younger to her, they had got wed with serious family opposition on both sides. Ramya satisfied my curiosity with a smile saying they had the same differences like normal couples like family values, morals, spending habits that were deep-rooted in their upbringing, and worked to make the relationship work.
It is true that today women are equal to men in many aspects, they earned equal to/more than men, they were also well educated and well informed, and they also took care of their health and looks. So women feel empowered to make their choices in life; Sally entered into a cougar relationship with Mick as she wished fulfillment and happiness in her marital life, rather than a drab relationship with a man her age.
Thorns in cougar relationships was experienced by Madan wed to Radha, older to him; he realized that Radha, strong, liberated, sophisticated, intelligent and sexy was interesting in dating Madan and not in a lifetime commitment. Also, Dinesh wed to Geeta, 11 years older wanted children of his own, and looked for a loving mother and wife in Geeta. But Geeta had no such desires, having 2 grown-up children from her previous marriage, and she felt she too old to bear a child at 43. She just wanted companionship, besides climbing the corporate ladder to become financially secure.
A significant factor convincing women to enter cougar relationships is independence and their belief in their decision-making; and men like Krishna love the free spirit of such women, he married Seeta, 5 years older to him to satisfy his needs for tender motherly care and love. This relationship is just the reverse of normal marital relationships where women look for father figures in their men.
Cougar relationships, like in Anita and Ganesh helped Anita to boost of Ganesh’s good looks and her sexual desirability, and Ganesh to boost of her smartness and maturity. But it is possible that men lose interest in their wives as they age, as women look for maturity; men could also stray into other extra-marital relationships. It is not a general rule, and there have been men who have stuck to their cougars for life happily, and it is also true that mutual trust and understanding could stop it.
Divya, my neighbor felt a fresh breath of air with Satish, 10 years her junior, as he was well-groomed, so good in bed, cooked her a surprise breakfast or dinner in a jiffy and pampered her in bed with coffee. She was her friends envy; their men just sat with potbellies watching football or soccer with a glass of beer and potato chips.
Farook wed to Noorjahan realized that women age faster and look their man’s mother in late 50’s; he faced an awkward situation in his company’s New Year party. His colleagues appreciated his mother being so active in their party; this was the starting point of their differences with Noorjahen feeling insecure when other young women threw admiring glances at Farook, and ended in showing her dislike to Farook going often to office parties.
It is also true that Mamta and Karthik found no companionship 10 years into marriage as they experienced age related differences; Karthik could not relate to Mamta’s passion for temple activities and religious discourses at 55. Also Mamta found it difficult to relate to his interest for trekking as a family and his regular games of tennis and football.
Cougar relationship children from earlier marriages find it difficult to accept a man their age as their father; it is embarrassing for him too. In addition, cubs as young as Anil in his 20’s wed to cougars like Usha in her 30’s think they are too young to father a child. While cougars think they are growing old and want children, however this could arise in other relationships also.
Article source: http://she.sulekha.com/know-all-about-cougar-relationships_03_2011_postedby_nirmalaspeaks
Being 30 can mean a lot of things. It can mean being independent, being content along with being under pressure from family and friends to get settled. Two women – one single, one married tell us what it feels like to be 30.
Being independent rocks
For Ekta Vyas, life couldn’t be better at 30. A physiotherapist, she enjoys being financially independent and says that she has matured with time. “At 30 you are more emotionally mature. You know that the ‘terrible 20s’ are over where you have to constantly prove yourself. Right now, I am not only in a happy place but more content too.”
Does the passion to achieve more die down once you are 30? “Definitely not and I am very sure none of the women who are successful would stop. If they want to, they should always look for higher goals and something better.”
But of course, being 30 comes with its pitfalls. This is an age when those around you, mostly elders, pass sarcastic comments at you for your single status or for not wanting to have children. They often end up tagging you as ‘over-ambitious’. Has she faced all of this as yet? “Yes I did. Aunts would come with stacks of photographs of prospective grooms. I used to feel terribly embarrassed by it, but then I got used to it. I have realised that in the end, only my choice matters. Moreover my parents support my stance of getting married when I want to.”
How does she see life at 30? “Life is beautiful and has nothing to do with your age. You are successful and have set more targets to be achieved. It feels great to be 30. Whoever said being 30 is the most dreaded place to be haven’t yet experienced the liberation it offers. All you have to do is take some time and smell the roses!”
Love being a mother and a wife
While Ekta embraces her independence; we have another woman who loves the responsibilities that come with being 30. Reshma Shriyan, also a physiotherapist, has just become a mother. “Life’s not simple when you have a two-month-old baby. Your schedule is completely changed. At one moment you are attending to a patient, at another you are changing diapers!” she exclaims.
According to her, being 30 makes you more patient. “Having a baby, particularly at 30, was not something I had planned. But I always faced pressure from my family to get married.” So how does she juggle looking after a baby and her career? “You are suddenly looking after another person besides yourself. It is definitely not easy, but I manage. I would never think of quitting my job just because I have baby! “One just needs to make a few changes and manage time better. Before getting married, my day would start at 8. But now, my day starts much, much earlier.”
For most women looking and feeling good post pregnancy is important. “I wanted to be back in shape too. But it is not that difficult as I really watched my weight before I conceived. I had put on 15 kgs during pregnancy and was very keen on losing the extra kilos. So, I would walk everyday to get back in shape and fit into my jeans again,” she says.
Looking after your baby takes its toll on you physically and emotionally too. “It is as good as a full-time job. There have been times when I have felt helpless because I did not know what my baby was crying for. But with time, I have learnt to get things under control,” she says. “And then I have very supportive in-laws which has made things easy for me,” she adds.
Having a baby leaves you with little or no time for your spouse. How does she cope? “True, initially we hardly got time to spend with each other but my husband has been very understanding and I am thankful for that,” she says. “It has been a rollercoaster of a ride, but everything has settled down,” she beams.
Article source: http://idiva.com/news-relationships/is-turning-30-that-dreadful/2905
Couples who get to know each other before being intimate have a better chance of having a lasting relationship, but in some cases even a casual fling can lead to true love, according to a new research.
Most of the 56 percent of 642 adults questioned in the study who said they had waited until
they got serious before they had sex reported having a high quality relationship. The number was higher than for the 27 percent of people who had sex while dating casually and the 17 percent who were intimate while in a non-romantic relationship.
“There’s something about the characteristics of people who wait before sex that is linked to higher-quality relationships,” said sociology professor Anthony Paik of the University of Iowa. Paik, who reported the findings in the journal Social Science Research, said the research suggests that the courtship process acts as a screening mechanism.
“The debate is ‘why can’t we have sex now?’ The expectation is that sex should occur very quickly. But doing so, you’re losing out on some information that might be useful,” he explained in an interview. It’s almost an economic equation, he added.
“On average, the more costly the process leading into the relationship, the more likely it is to work. That’s what the data would suggest.” But Paik said the findings did not show that an early sexual relationship had a direct negative impact on relationships.
When he filtered out people who said they had frequent non-romantic or casual dating sexual relationships he found that the gap in relationship quality between serious and nonserious contexts of sexual activity disappeared. “It means it’s possible for two strangers to lock eyes in a bar, and go home together, and actually end up in a long-term relationship,” Paik said.
The reason more people who have sex in a non-romantic relationships report lower quality relationships has more to do with who we are than when we chose to have sex, said Paik.
Certain people are simply prone to finding relationships less rewarding, and they are more likely to have sex in casual relationships, he added.
http://www.hindustantimes.com/lifestyle/relationships/Looking-for-true-love-Take-your-time/Article1-589896.aspx
Want to make your marriage last? Let your hubby cheat. Atleast that’s what mistress-for-hire (and now author) Holly Hill’s theory suggests.
In an interview with CNN, the Sugarbabe author made the case for managed adultery, explaining, "a woman that negotiates infidelity with her partner is far more powerful than a woman who is sitting home wondering why he’s late from the office Christmas party," because "it’s better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the back fence." And if you’re the sort of person who views your spouse as an easily trained pet, that should work out great, writes Mary Elizabeth Williams on Salon.
What’s more? Hill considers monogamous men to be heroes. "I think that cheating men are normal," Hill explains. "Monogamous men are heroes. Monogamy does have a place in relationships, but not on the long-term. Men are hard-wired to betray women on the long-term. There you have it: A man and a woman can take the same vow, but the guy who keeps it is a hero."
Even worse, Hill thinks women should cheat, too…but just to make their husbands jealous. Women, she says, "definitely need to negotiate infidelity as well, especially because that will generate her man’s competitive nature. The more lovers the woman has, the more attraction the man will have for his partner," reports Salon.
Source – http://www.hindustantimes.com/lifestyle/relationships/Can-infidelity-save-your-marriage/Article1-584164.aspx
People who have Internet access at home are more likely to be in a relationship, with the Web gaining in importance as a meeting place for those seeking love, according to US research.
Researchers from Stanford University said the Internet is especially important for bringing together
same-sex couples and may soon replace friends as the main way in which Americans meet their partners.
“Although prior research on the social impacts of Internet use has been rather ambiguous about the social cost of time spent online, our research suggests that Internet access has an important role to play in helping Americans find mates,” said Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology.
The study, which was presented at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association in Atlanta on Monday, showed that 82.2 percent of people in the study who had Internet access at home also had a spouse or romantic partner, compared to 62.8 percent for those who did not have Internet access. The study used data from a winter 2009 survey of 4,002 adults across the United States. Slightly more than 3,000 had a spouse or romantic partner.
Rosenfeld and Reuben Thomas, of the City University of New York, found the Internet is the one social arena that is unambiguously gaining importance as a place where couples meet. “It is possible that in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s,” Rosenfeld said in a statement.
The researchers said they found that the Internet was especially important for finding potential partners in groups where the supply is small or difficult to identify such as in the gay, lesbian, and middle-aged heterosexual communities.
Rosenfeld said that among the couples who met within two years of the survey, 61 percent of same-sex couples and 21.5 percent of heterosexual couples met online.
“Couples who meet online are much more likely to be same-sex couples, and somewhat more likely to be from different religious backgrounds,” Rosenfeld said.
Article Source: http://www.hindustantimes.com/lifestyle/relationships/Log-on-to-find-love/Article1-587946.aspx
Most people, when young consider that by the time they are turning 30 years old they have hit their ‘turning old’ milestone. Ironically, by the time they are twenty-five these same people have a different outlook on ‘old’.
Traditionally, young people set goals, deadlines for achievements and accomplishments they hope to obtain, first by the time they are thirty, and then as that age looms near, at least by the time they are forty. Thirty is that magic year-the decade before forty when the ‘decline’ begins. Turning 30 years old is a memorable time of anyone’s life.
Some people-particularly women view the day they turn 30 with dread. They see everything slipping away-the proverbial ‘through their fingers’ so to speak. Like one women turning 30 years old relayed: I have truly accomplished all the things I wanted to do by now but I feel . . . well, I feel as if I am losing something important; Youth!
Still others look at turning 30 years old as the next exciting phase of their life-viewing it as the best years of their lives! Many see themselves as old enough to (finally) know how to enjoy themselves but young enough to (still) have a good time. Others look back on all the dumb stuff they did and look forward (grateful they are still alive) to the wisdom they have acquired as they are entering their 30’s. Maybe an ache or two more, but hey . . .
For women it’s a time to stop being a kid relating to other kids. The milestones of 18, 21, and 25 are behind and suddenly you are seeing things differently-like on a different level. You look at a guy and don’t think, “Oh, how do I look?” But instead you look and say, “Oh, my. To be ten years younger!” Your soul-searching is taking on a different meaning when turning 30 years old also. You look in the mirror and don’t see everything you want to change. You see the things you actually like. It’s a glorious time of not trying to ‘escape’ anymore. You’ve finally started making some solid plans!!
For men it is a time for identify goals if they have not already been set-deciding what is needed for him (and family, if there is one) and where the landing destination will be by the time birthday number 40 arrives. It is time to start a fund meant for emergencies only and pay off credit cards or at least pay them down. Investing should be looked into-maybe through your job as you approach turning 30 years old. It is time to think of the future. If you have not already, establish your credit. As far as a man’s psychological development goes he is as close to being an adult as he ever will be and yet, still use some of the old stand-bys and coping strategies he did when he was in his youth.
Some great realizations as we are turning 30 years old should be: Money is not about health, happiness, fame or peace of mind-life is. It’s not about getting drunk to be flirtatious or to cut loose, have fun, get over a bad day, or to say things we couldn‘t have when we were younger. It is realizing we do not have to ‘be friends’ with people we don’t like or who are unkind, or who annoy others just because they can. It’s hanging out with people we just plain like hanging out with.
Whether we choose to celebrate or ignore the day it is just a 24 hour period and when it is past business will go on as usual. And you know? I distinctly remember my mother was 29 for about eight years. She upped it when I turned 25!!
Source – http://www.knowledgegalaxy.net/turning_30_years_old/turning_30_years_old.html
Marriage counseling in Columbia, SC and all over America is available to couples who are seeking advice and a solution to their marriage struggles. Below are a few tips that will help you get the most out of your marriage counseling sessions.
Be Open-Minded
Be willing to try to see the other’s point of view and reasoning. Be willing to take criticism from your spouse and advice from the marriage counselor. As individuals, the couple will often see things in a different perspective from each other. An open mind will help the couple see outside of their own perspective.
Listen
Let your spouse say what is on their mind without interruption. Sit back, listen, take mental notes, and wait your turn. Interruptions lead to miscommunication and heated arguments. Also be willing to listen to what your counselor has to say to you individually and as a couple. Though certain things may not be easy to hear, it is important to listen to help you understand one another.
Be Honest
When talking to the counselor and your spouse, be honest in your feelings and thoughts. Don’t let your hard feelings create a new problem or issue with your spouse. It is important to be honest with your spouse, the counselor, and yourself. Keeping things in and not sharing them will not help fix the problem.
Have a Positive Outlook
A positive outlook will help you see the end of the struggle more clearly. When positive feelings are fostered, you are able to be more open-minded and more forgiving. A positive outlook will help you see things as they are underneath the confusion and conflict.
Marriage counseling in Columbia, SC and other areas is a great resource for couples who are struggling and want to improve their marriage. Following these tips will help you get the most out of your marriage counseling experience.
Source – Ezine Article