{"id":1917,"date":"2022-08-24T12:48:05","date_gmt":"2022-08-24T12:48:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/?p=1917"},"modified":"2022-08-24T13:02:24","modified_gmt":"2022-08-24T13:02:24","slug":"big-checklist-of-red-flags-while-finding-a-partner-via-matrimonial-websites","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/big-checklist-of-red-flags-while-finding-a-partner-via-matrimonial-websites\/","title":{"rendered":"Big checklist of red flags while finding a partner via matrimonial websites"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Big checklist of red flags while finding a partner via matrimonial websites<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re reading this, you are probably trying to make sense of what you’re doing wrong or why it\u2019s so hard for you to find the right partner on matrimonial websites<\/strong><\/a> (or in general) and want a checklist of things to look out for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Big<\/a>
Big checklist of red flags while finding a partner via matrimonial websites<\/strong><\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Here is checklist of red flags while finding a partner<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
  1. Does he earn, how much does he contribute to the house? What do his savings look like? Also, what is the source of his income, and is it consistent?\u00a0<\/strong>– In a research conducted in 2018, it was noted \u2018Money is the number one issue married couples argue about\u201d<\/em>. And that \u2018Ninety-four per cent of respondents who say they have a \u201cgreat\u201d marriage discuss their money dreams with their spouse.<\/em>\u201d It also tells you a lot about a persons financial independence and their future ability to make decisions on their own.<\/li>
  2. How does he treat the women in his family? Or speak about women in general that are not related to you?\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014 In general, people will be mindful about how they treat you, your family and other people in front of you. But here and there, they will pass a comment on a passer-by or a celebrity, a person in their circle they don’t like, a boss they can\u2019t agree with etc. Watch out for the language they use then. Or when they are visibly upset.\u00a0Would you have felt offended if they used such language about someone you were related to?<\/em><\/li>
  3. Is he open to you working? Does he have expectations from you to contribute to the running of the house?\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014 Some of us woman who want to continue working and are career-minded always want to know \u2018how open a potential partner and their family are to the idea of them continuing to work after marriage\u2019. We want to do it for our own financial independence.\u00a0But sometimes, partners might be open to the idea, but with the undeclared expectation of you contributing to the household<\/em>. It should be your choice to decide what you contribute and even if you agree to but don’t want to actively contribute, there needs to be a basic understanding of this on the table before you\u2019re in too deep!\u00a0ps: just putting it out there, borrowing money from you during this period out of any kind of need, urgency or pressure to \u201cshow them how much you care\u201d is INACCEPTABLE! There are very many people out there who use matrimonial sites to do exactly this! No, even paying for an incoming courier sent to your address to collect on behalf of them which they promise to pay you for later is\u00a0<\/em>NOT OK.<\/em><\/strong><\/li>
  4. Is he open to meeting your friends and introducing you to his friends (not just family)<\/strong>\u00a0\u2014 Is he meeting you only in private? Does he willingly meet your friends and family but not open to introducing you to his?\u00a0ps: One person does not qualify as \u2018his friends\u2019.<\/em>\u00a0Does he hang out with you in public or only at places that you\u2019ve decided in advance and tends to not move too far away from them?<\/li>
  5. Does he look or sound too perfect? Does he have \u2018well defined\u2019 short term and long term goals?\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014 Usually, people are so used to being asked this that they have a ready spiel but, it is when you dont settle for what they are saying and ask them to elaborate that\u00a0you get a deeper sense of who they are and where the cracks in their projected image are.\u00a0<\/em>Inquire and observe instead of assuming and settling for what\u2019s not said. It\u2019s only a matter of the rest of your life!<\/li>
  6. Do you have shared interests and hobbies? Does he dedicate time to them consistently?<\/strong>\u00a0\u2014 People with diverse interests and hobbies who consistently take out time to indulge in things they like outside their work or duties at home always make better partners and are more open-minded about you pursuing your goals, dreams and interests after marriage as well. If you have something common that you enjoy, it will also act as a good ground to bond beyond small talk.<\/li>
  7. Is he a know-it-all or a control freak? Is he always trying to share ways for you to improve your life or show you how something can be done better?\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014 Some people have the innate need to tell you how to change your ways, push you to try to do something differently and it keeps coming off as ways to \u2018fix you\u2019.\u00a0These are dangerous, self-centered people who are not interested or content with who you are. They are looking for \u2018living \u2014 walking\u2014talking projects\u2019 and will always be hard to please.<\/em>\u00a0Also, see how they behave when you exhibit the same behavior towards them.<\/li>
  8. Does he have strong opinions or is he open to new ideas and trying new things?\u00a0<\/strong>\u2014 Rigidity is a result of deeply buried self-consciousness and feelings of incompetence or insufficiency that people aren\u2019t able to over come or come to terms with and try to hide under a layer of rigidity. A healthy mindset is usually open to ideas and trying new things or ways, even if they are sceptical at first. Especially if you intend to join them. But a straight out \u2018no<\/em>\u2019 is a red flag. This can be about rules in the house, about how to manage finances, about taking advice on their work or job, about expectations from others or simply having high and unachievable standards and expectations from you in any regard. Sometimes it may be projected as rigidity on the part of their families too.<\/li>
  9. Is he all plans and no action? Is he only talking about plans for the future with nothing to show right now?<\/strong>\u00a0\u2014 We often make the mistake in investing or betting on relationships basis what it \u2018looks\u2019 like, \u2018feels\u2019 like or \u2018sounds\u2019 like rather that what you can \u2018see\u2019, \u2018feel\u2019 or \u2018hear\u2019. What we actually need to do is get a reality check about the gap between what is planned vs. what is happening right now. I am not saying it\u2019s bad to believe in someone\u2019s dreams, but please be a little more sceptical. If someone claims to want to do big things but then puts in minimal to no effort to achieve or progress towards these goals or things, it\u2019s just well-designed pre-sales marketing. Your gut and observation are key, trust them generously.<\/li>
  10. When you\u2019re out or when he meets you or travels with you, what does he tell his family about his whereabouts?<\/strong>\u00a0\u2014 Does his family know when you meet? Is he upfront about where he is or what he is doing if they call? Or does he always tell them he is out for \u2018work\u2019? No, it\u2019s not normal for someone to meet you for matrimony centric dates or even regular dating and then hide it from their family! (Unless they are under age.) Especially if you go out of town. It shows he has something to hide, or can be guilt about spending or having fun that he might be\u00a0masking<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0as \u2018not being sure about the both of you or ready to announce to the world\u2019 too. Also its shows how easy it is for them to lie.<\/li>
  11. Does he apologise on being found wrong? Does he admit his faults? And how does he apologize?<\/strong>\u00a0\u2014 Does he own up to his mistakes? Does he try to move from it in conversation quickly? Does he only apologize when it\u2019s already too late or when it has no meaning left? Style and timing matter. Also, if he assumes you understood, that\u2019s a BIG red flag. He should have the guts to hold himself responsible in full for his own words, actions and behavior. It\u2019s not too much to expect from anyone.<\/li>
  12. Is he a good communicator? Or does he at least ensure he communicates the essentials verbally and in his actions, in time?<\/strong>\u00a0Or does he leave things on the back burner till they are exploding and out of control? \u2014 If someone tries to get away all the time by stating things like \u2018I assumed\u2026<\/em><\/strong>\u201d or \u201cI thought\u2026<\/em><\/strong>\u201d or \u201cWhen I am upset, I go silent\u2026<\/em><\/strong>\u201d or \u201cThis is how I am\u2026<\/em><\/strong>\u201d or \u201cI expected you to understand\u2026<\/em><\/strong>\u201d, \u201cYou should have been patient till I picked this up\u2026<\/em><\/strong>\u201d please know this \u2014 its red flag behavior. It is either\u00a0lazy<\/em>\u00a0and them trying to\u00a0get away with doing the bare minimum\u00a0<\/em>or\u00a0playing defensive<\/em>. And trust me, you dont even want to experience where all this behavior can trickle or what all issues it can cause in the long run!<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
    If you catch any of these signs during a conversation in a few interactions, please investigate it a little more before you make any life-altering decisions. Yes, there are always chances that someone is just perfect, but that's a one in a few thousand kinds of situation. Because that's what marriage in India is, a very very very huge emotional, financial investment apart from the cost of your own future and life!<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
    On the flip side, if you find yourself exhibiting some of this behavior, please remember, you need to reexamine it before you think about settling down. This is not healthy and people can see right through it and it will cause you a lot of misaligned expectations yourself.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
    Big checklist of red flags while finding a partner via matrimonial websites If you\u2019re reading this, you are probably trying to make sense of what you’re doing wrong or why it\u2019s so hard for you to find the right partner on matrimonial websites (or in general) and want a checklist of things to look out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1920,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[334,296,111,310,586],"tags":[588,587,177],"class_list":["post-1917","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arranged-matrimonial","category-benefits-of-matrimonial-websites","category-best-matrimonial-site","category-delhi-matrimonial","category-finding-a-partner","tag-finding-a-partner","tag-finding-a-partner-via-matrimonial","tag-matrimonial-websites"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1917","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1917"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1917\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1926,"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1917\/revisions\/1926"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1920"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1917"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1917"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thirtyplusshaadi.com\/matrimonial-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1917"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}